Awkward Questions

Have a read at this Mom's post. She has a large family, with some special needs kids and some trans-racially adopted kids too.

She came up with a list of the most awkward questions she's been asked.

Some are so ridiculous they're funny. others are plain hurtful.

But other than for a good laugh, I think it's worth reading because of how she chooses to answer some of these intrusive questions. I admire her zen attitude, and I think she has a point: being defensive about it doesn't give your kids the best perception about their adoption...

I'll have to try and rememer this...

What's in a Name?

Yesterday, I posted about first names.
We're enjoying the perks of expecting just like any other expecting parents would.

But there's an added dimension to naming your child, when you're adopting.
Our Cinnamon Baby will already have a name when we first meet him/her. It will very likely be a Sri Lankan name (we don't know of what ethnicity, yet).
Some families rename their child when they adopt them. Others don't. And there are a ton of arguments for doing either.

The birth or orphanage name may be difficult to pronouce in the child's adoptive country. What if it has a ridiculous or offensive meaning in his adoptive language? What if it sounds really weird  with the adoptive parents last name?
Deciding on the name can also help adoptive families claim their children.
And it can make the child feel more included in his family. If 4 generations of men in the family have worn the same name and it gets passed on to him, it may mean a lot to him when he starts questioning his identity.

But the birth name can also be a very strong identity symbol. Though it is sometimes chosen by the orphanage, it may also have been chosen by the birth mother. Or it may mean something important in the child's birth country or birth family. Maybe a boy is named after his birthfather, or a girl has her birth grand-mother's name.
Children who are adopted a bit older will usually recognize their name. Renaming these kids means yet another change for them to cope with. Still, how old is too old? Would renaming a 5 years old be ok? How about a 2 years old, or a 10 years old?

There are different options. Some people decide to rename their child, but pick a name from the birth culture. Others keep the birth name as a middle name, or select a middle name in the adoptive culture and keep the birth name as the first name. Some families look for names that are common to both languages.

It takes a bit of time and a lot of honest reflection to decide on what's best for your child and for your family.
And then, whatever you decide can all change when you get a referral or when you meet your child...

The Quest for a Name

Adopting, just like pregnancy, has some fun parts, and some not-so-fun parts.

I'm trying to untangle the facts about immigration right now. Not fun.
More on this soon (or not so soon, depending on how long it takes me to understand the process).

At the same time, Pablo and I are in the process of picking first names. Now that's fun!!
It's really not easy in our case, but the challenge is making it even more fun...
See, the problem is that half of our family is Spanish-speaking, while the other half is French-speaking. Because we want the name we pick to sound good in both languages, more than half of the names in baby name lists are a no-no for us!
While Etienne doesn't sound right in Spanish, Guillermo is unpronounceable in French.
Any name that has a J in it is a catastrophy, because the Spanish J isn't a sound in French, and vice versa.
So Jaime would sound Haime in French, but Julien would have this throaty sound in Spanish. (My own first name is a problem too, in fact...)
On top of that, names that are in fashion in South America may be fit for my grand-father's generation in Quebec, and Pablo sometimes laughs when I suggest a name which has been associated with a TV character in his culture.
And then, I grew up with 4 other Gen's in my class, and I hated this. I've always wished I had a more original first name. I mean, nothing too weird... just something I didn't share with half my generation...

We already have an idea of a girl's name, but boys names are a real puzzle.
So yesterday, after supper, we sat together and pulled a few lists from the Internet. Popular names in both languages, but also older and forgotten names. We went through the list, pronouncing the names in French and English. We both had to give up names we really liked because of the constraints we're dealing with. But we also had a few good laughs... Moshe is pretty funny in French...

In the end, we have 4 possible boys names. My first choice is Pablo's fourth, and I'm bothered a bit by the fact that two of those names are very popular right now in Quebec. But we're making way! And it's so much fun doing this together, I'm not sure I want us to settle on anything quite yet anyways :-)

We're Pregnant!

... on paper that is...

The FedEx website had this for us this morning:

Our paperwork is now in the hands of the Sri Lankan government! The package was signed for at 1am (our time) last night.
To us, that means the same as this:

Picture taken from http://www.clearblue.com/

It's so exciting!!!! I had to wake Pablo up (at 5 am) to tell him :-)

And now we wait!

Our Dossier is in Sri Lanka!

Our Dossier is on its last stretch: it has cleared customs at the airport in Colombo! Now, to the government offices!

I Love FedEx's Tracking System!

Our Dossier is in Dubai. I hope it's sunnier there than here!

The Smile of a Future Dad

You can tell the future dad is excited...

When he received the polite, official sounding email from Alberta Adoption Services, he decided to forward it to me with only a smiley face for a message.

But instead of hitting foward, he hit reply. And he sent a smiley face to the lady at the government... I think he’s getting a little too casual... :-D

He had to send her another email to thank her, apologize for the smiley face and explain that it was destined to me.

Her reply? A smiley face!

I guess it could have been worse.

Oh and by the way, our Dossier is in Memphis, Tennessee, right now.