We're Off!

The Holiday season can be the most difficult time of the year when you're waiting to adopt.
In all honesty, I have come to dislike Mother's Day, my birthday, Halloween and New Year's Eve as well. But Christmas is so loaded with childhood memories, and so widely celebrated around here that it has become the time of year that I hate the most.
I believe it's not just the adoption community who feels this way. Christmas is difficult when you have recently lost someone close, when you live away from your family, when you are recently divorced or when illness has stricken your family this year.

I believe that, when life gets a bit rough, you have to do what's necessary to ease the pain. Even if it means not following traditions, or sometimes disappointing others.

So this year, Pablo and I are running away from Chistmas.
We're off to Greece for 3 weeks!
The first week will be just the two of us, on the continent. Then, we're meeting up with Pablo's parents and brother on Crete for 2 weeks.
Of course, we'll miss the rest of the family, and it's sad to give up the traditions that we love. But it's even more sad to follow your traditions when someone so crucial as your own kid is missing. Hopefully it's the last Christmas we have to run away from!

To all, a very happy holiday season! And may your dearest dreams come true...

Another Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving week-end again, in Canada.
And since I'm writing this in an airport, on my way back home after a full week with my family in Montreal, I have to say something about them. I am so very grateful that our baby, when she finally comes, will have accepting grand-parents, amazing aunts and uncles and the cutest cousins in the world. We are really lucky that everyone is so anxious to meet our kid.

Each birthday, holiday or milestone we hit is a reminder of how long we've been standing here; how much the whole world is moving and changing and how stuck our life is since we decided to start our family. This is my second Thanksgiving post on this blog... Last year, I was trying to find the silver lining in all the clouds. This year, I want to start creating more opportunities to highlight it. To do this, I'll follow my own advice and plan all sorts of non-baby-friendly activities.
These years are making me stronger and more compassionate. They are giving me tools for survival and I think they'll make me a much better Mom. This is something to be grateful for and, though it's hard to see right now, I know I'll be glad things happened this way, when it's all over.

Royal Visit

Remember my little dragon?
Well she just spent 2 days over at our place. I know, 2 days is painfully short! But it's at least a million times better than nothing...
My sister spent 2 weeks in Quebec, showing the little princess to the family. And on her way back to Australia, she made an extra stop in our mountains. I was so incredibly happy to spend time with my sister, to witness a live smile from the dragon (she was 3 weeks old last time I was with her) and to finally introduce little T. to her godfather (that's Pablo).
To be fair, I have to say that Skype is pretty amazing, when your adorable 5 months old niece lives on the other end of the planet. Still, there's nothing like cuddling with an actual dragon!
I'm so crazy about this little girl! And she managed to seduce Pablo too... I can't wait to meet her cousin :-)

Sisters

Dear future child,
I hope one day you know this very special and precious relationship that is sisterhood... At first and for a while, you may not always enjoy it. Sisters fight, they sometimes get in the way and they can get on your nerves. But sometimes, you'll be glad she's there. You'll play together and, more and more as time goes, you'll share a good laugh and a few secrets.
Then, one day, you'll realize that you can be really, deeply happy because life is being good to her. And this will be a pure feeling, untouched by jealousy or bias.
And one day, you'll see her shed a tear because you're in a rough patch, although your circumstances really don't affect her directly.
And you'll wonder how you could ever wish you were an only child, as the sometimes difficult relationship will have grown into a strong, true friendship.
That's what sisterhood is. I really wish it upon you!

Going Home

I can't believe it's already over! I'm flying home today...

I don't know how long it will be before I see my sister again. And it's horrible to think how the little kangaroo will have changed the next time we meet! :-(

I really can't complain, though. I had such a great trip! I spent some amazing quality time with E. and M. And I realize how lucky I am, being the first family member to spend time with the new parents. I know little T. will be told growing up that her auntie was there to give a hand when she was just a week old. And that's precious!

I'm going home with a heavy heart, for sure. But it's heavy with love for my new goddaughter!

The Little Dragon

I'm getting to know the latest addition to our family. My niece is absolutely, completely gorgeous. All the time. Even when she doesn't smell quite like roses.
She's barely over a week old and still looks quite lost in her world. When she's awake, she looks around with an air of confused awe.
Really, you could say her activities are quite limited... She sleeps a lot, eats a lot and poops a lot. But it's the little things that make her so irresistible: the expressive faces she makes all the time, the way she falls asleep in the middle of her meal and her Mom has to wake her up, her tiny toes, how vulnerable she is when you pick her up...
It's sad that we'll miss these early days with our Cinnamon Baby.
I'm really grateful I get to spend this time with T. And believe me, I'm not worried about me not attaching to my baby! If she's that irresistible, it'll take less than a minute!

The Blood Clinic



To donate (in Canada), visit:
Canadian Blood Services

 Today, I learned some pretty sad news. Someone in my extended family has passed away this weekend.
It's bad enough to think that he won't be around, being silly and joking with us, anymore. But I'm also very sad for those who remain. Those to whom he was not extended family. Those are people whom I love very much and who have a golden heart.

Then, this afternoon, I had an appointment to donate blood. And while I sat with the needle in my arm, I thought about how health is everything. If you're worried about your health, how much does anything else even weight? And the effect is still bigger when it's about the health of someone you love.
This person did not need blood in his last moments. But someone else will need the blood that came out of my arm this afternoon. Someone who is going through a real rough patch. Someone whose parents, partners, kids and friends will be deeply worried about.

It was humbling. We have been going through some tougher times, these past few years. But I am healthy and free to push my cross-country skis on the freshly fallen snow when I want to. The man of my life, my mom and sister, my dad, all my in-laws, my dearest friends, even my aging grand-mother are all healthy. They all have this amazing freedom to enjoy what they like most.
True. Life could be easier. The adoption could go smoother.
It could also be so much harder that none of this would have any importance anymore.

I'm glad I gave blood today.

Rest in Peace, Michel. You will be remembered.

Adoption-Free Saturdays

Pablo and I had a really good heart-to-heart, today. We talked openly about a lot of the complex issues surrounding adoption.
It felt like a good time in the process to regroup, we've been at it more than 6 months! I'm glad we did this.

One thing we have decided is to have Adoption-Free Saturdays! This process is so consuming, it's sometimes dfficult to back up and focus on ourselves. So from now on, Saturdays are a day off from the paperwork, the worrying, the waiting and all things adoption. We won't talk about it, read about it, take any adoption related action or blog about it. And we'll make Saturdays a time to be together as a couple.
It was Pablo's idea, and I think it's great. It may not be easy at first, but I'm sure we'll benefit from this!

I wonder if this is something a lot of families do... Are we the only ones getting so caught up in this process that it's hard to think about anything else?

Dear Birthmother...

There is a good chance you don’t celebrate Christmas. But for me, it’s a time to think about family and loved ones, near or far. And I can’t help but think about you.

Who are you? Where are you? I hope you are well... Are you already pregnant? Have you already made a decision for the future of your child? If so, you’re probably going through the most difficult moments of your life...

I hope you are living well. I hope you have all the food and water that you need, a roof over your head and all the love and support that you deserve.

I wish I could tell you that you are in our hearts and that you will not be forgotten.

Tio R.

My Brother-in-Law has translated our Birth Certificates to English for us. He's such a sweetheart! He did it in less than a week, and for a kiss on the cheek!

Send Some Positive Thoughts!

Please, send all the positive thoughts and energy to A, who should know tomorrow if her IVF has worked. She and her husband have been waiting so long for their child. If it’s true that patience makes good parents, they will be the best in the world!

Home Study Self-Report - Part 5: Motivation to Adopt

This part is subdivided into 3. First, it asks why we want to adopt and how we came to the decision. We have to explain our views on adoption and our understanding of the challenges ahead. Then, we have to describe the child we wish to adopt in terms of health, age, gender, race and any other requirement. The last bit is about our views on open adoption.

Of course, we had already talked about why we want to adopt and what adoption will be like, but it got us thinking about stuff we had not really thought about so much. We had never considered how being an already bi-cultural family could make it easier for us to integrate our child’s culture into our family. Also, Pablo growing up so close to his extended family, with so many younger kids, has been a really good experience for him. That’s probably why he is so comfortable holding a new born baby (where in the world does a man with no children learn how to do this?!?).

But to me, the most important learning from that section was about the birthparents. I am slowly coming to the understanding that these people are making decisions that will give my child the best life they can have. It’s probably the most difficult thing they will ever do in their lives. Birth mothers don’t make adoption plans because it’s the easiest solution; they make them out of pure, uninterested love. I am going to tell my kid that they were not abandoned, and that they were loved so much that their birth parents had to let go of them to save their life.

And when things get tough, emotionally, I am going to think about these people, and keep in mind that I am on the easy, happy end of this adventure.

We are done putting out thoughts together for the Self-Report. We have 20 pages so far, but it’s mainly bullet points... We still have to write the final thing. It has to be done by the time we meet our social worker for the first interview.

Home Study Self-Report - Part 4: Home and Community

The fourth section is about where we live: our house and our neighbourhood. It is a lot less personal than the previous parts, and is less intimidating. We’ll see if I still feel that way when a social worker comes to look at every corner of my condo to decide if it’s an appropriate place to raise a child!

We do have an extra bedroom for the baby. They will probably ask that we baby-proof our home, but that’s something we can do while we wait.

Again, some things we have included in there:

-          The town we live in being so small, everything we need is close: the school, stores, community center, city parks and hospital are all within 15 minutes of our home, by foot.

-          It is a very friendly town, where people say hello to strangers walking by and it’s considered acceptable to slow down the queue at the grocery store because you’re not done chatting with the till attendant.

Home Study Self-Report - Part 3: Relationship

This section was easy! It’s about us, as a couple.

If I had to pick one aspect of my life that is going steadily at its awesomest (yes, this word exist. No need to look it up), it would be my relationship with Pablo in the last few years. I already told you how good a father he will be, but you have no idea how good a partner, husband and best friend he is!

So when I’m asked to describe our relationship, talk about how we met and what I enjoy about Pablo, it’s easy.

My thoughts:

-          Seeing how happy I am now in my relationship, all the work and growing pains were well worth it (and believe me, there were some).

-          It’s important to me to be able to provide a model for a healthy, loving marriage to my children. That’s how they will learn to interact with their partners when the time comes. I want them to know that it’s not supposed to be always easy, but that it’s worth the effort.

-          I also want us to be a model of respect for each other and for ourselves.

-          It feels good to read a description your partner makes of you… I know Pablo loves me, but it’s sweet to read details about what he likes in my personality! :D

Home Study Self-Report - Part 2: Family

Once the personal section is completed, the rest of the Home Study Self Report has to be written together. We have decided to jot down a few ideas on a shared file. Next week, we have a date to get working on the final document. How’s that for a romantic date?

This way, we are going to be able to organize the ideas from both Pablo and I and put them together in a nice, seamless report! I think we can do the final redaction in one day, if all the ideas are already written down.

The second section of the Self-Report was about family. It asks about us as a family, but also our views on what being a family means. It covers activities we do together, our views on parenting and values that are important to the family.

I talked a lot about outdoors activities, being that Pablo and I enjoy camping, hiking and skiing together so much, and that it’s something we want to pass on to our children.

Here are a few thoughts that came out of it:

-          Pablo and I enjoy our time together tremendously! Even the unexciting, day-to-day stuff is more fun when he’s around...

-          A lot of our favourite traditions revolve around holidays. I am an unconditional fan of Christmas and I think I have infected Pablo over the years. I was really glad he mentioned our tradition of taking a drive around town on an evening, around Christmas time, to take in the colors and the joy of Christmas lights. It’s something that I used to do with my family as a kid and have carried over to our family.

-          It’s crazy how similar our answers are... Either we have developed such a strong common culture that we are slowly turning into the same person, or Pablo has copied my answers.

Home Study Self-Report – Part 1: Personal Description

We have to write the first part of the Home Study Self Report separately. It has lots of questions about your personality, childhood and upbringing. It asks about the health history of your family, the parenting techniques your parents used, your religious beliefs, the house you grew in, your employment history, what you do to relieve stress and much, much more.

And it’s not a form, we’re talking about. Oh no! It’s more of an essay, we have to write!

I have been honest through it all. I have nothing to hide and, although I am not perfect, I doubt they will judge me inapt to raise children because I am uncomfortable with confrontation.

A few good things have come out of it and, once I was done writing my part of it, I was excited for Pablo to read it! It’s not that he doesn’t know me. Sometimes, I think he does more than myself. But it felt oddly satisfying to have put words on so much of myself!

Anyway, here are a few thoughts that this part of process has left me with:

-          I was blessed with an amazing Mom.

-          I love my family very much, and what I call family is much more than those who share some genes with me (although my sister has a really special place in my heart).

-          I can’t wait to watch the Muppets’ Christmas Carol with my kids (it’s my guilty pleasure).

-          I wouldn’t even have dared to ask life to give me a husband that would carry over the one family tradition that I am so attached to. It’s unbelievable that Pablo plays guitar so well!

So far, our Self Report has 5 pages.

A Night in Paradise

And I'm not talking about  my wedding night!
This is where we had our coffee, this morning, after an overnight camping in the backcountry of our beloved Rocky Mountains.
Pablo and I are both outdoors enthusiasts and I can't wait to take our kids out! I would have loved to wait for the bald eagle to come back alongside the excited looking face of a little one, or for Pablo to explain to them how to hold the fishing rod and wait patiently.
My Mom always loved everything outdoors and I spent most of my childhood vacations biking, canoeing, hiking, skiing and camping. I don't think it's a coincidence if I am happier in a tent than at home, and if I spend all fall looking forward to getting my cross-counrty skis out on the trails! Kids learn to appreciate what they are exposed to. I also learned really young that a little bit of discomfort is nothing, when it means waking up to the first ray of sunshine crossing the walls of the tent.
I keep beautiful memories of the times we were outdoors with my family and, as an adult, I have just kept adding to these memories with Pablo.
I consider myself infinitely lucky to have this heritage, and I can't wait to pass it on to the next generation!

Tu Papá

I was 19, when I met Pablo. I was closer to being a child than to having one, and babies were not really on my mind. So it’s safe to say that his potential as a great dad for my offspring was not exactly a selection criteria when I fell in love with him...

I was unbelievably lucky, though. Because although it didn’t seem important back then, it is of utmost priority now!

My husband is one of those men who wear time well. He doesn’t get older; he gets wiser. Experience and self-knowledge have turned him into the greatest partner ever. And he will be a perfect dad, too!

He is a family man, that’s for sure. Family is probably at the very top of his list of values, and he will always be loyal to his family (extended and close). He’s also really good with kids. I can’t explain why, but he’s got a lot more patience for kids than for anything (or anyone) else in life. I’ve seen him take half an hour every night to care for little playground scratches that didn’t actually require any treatment, when our nieces were staying with us. He also is sooooo much more laid back than I am, he often brings me back to earth when I get worked up on silly details. And because I know how involved he will be with our children, I am trusting him to stop me when I get too protective or overthink the whole parenting thing.

Yep! Without even knowing it, I have picked THE perfect father for my kids.

And no, he is not for sale.

Action-Reaction

Let me just make one thing clear:

ADOPTION IS A BEAUTIFUL, HAPPY THING! We’re having a baby! We are really, honestly excited about it!

Adoption is not, to us, a sad, last resort solution we resigned to after grieving the “better option”. It may have different challenges than the other way of making babies, but it also has its own riches.

So thanks a million to all of those who understand that and celebrate our decision with us! We know you may have done things differently, if you were in our shoes, and we appreciate that you can respect our vision for our own life! We all have lessons to take from you...

To the few others, I understand where you’re standing: this is not how you would have handled things. Maybe you would have tried the old baby-making sport a bit longer, maybe you would have chosen the medical path to your family, maybe you would have waited until you’re 35, maybe you would even prefer not having children to adopting. And that’s all fine and respectable. But try to keep this in mind: it’s US walking in our shoes, here! And adoption is a beautiful, happy thing in our eyes. Isn’t that all that really matters? You guys are also teaching me a lesson, in a way...

It's a Girl!

The news just came in: we are expecting a Goddaughter! We already love her so much!
I'm just about to go to work. I'll think of her all day :)

She's our fourth niece, no nephew yet. And that's just perfect!