Wednesday, September 5, 2012

How to Fake Patience - Tip #1

Nothing is moving on the Sri Lankan international adoption front. Nothing at all. Not a single referral since the program shut down in December 2011.
Sure, it has officially re-opened in May 2012. But private orphanages are still waiting for the new procedure to come out and, in the meantime, government run homes don't seem to be have a lot of children to match.

We knew adoption was a loooong and difficult road. We all know it before we start. We were told we would have to be patient.
What is patience? Is it not caring too much about the outcome? Or is it just shutting up and pretending you're dealing with the wait with grace?
They say if you can't make it, fake it.

Well, that's what I'm proposing here! If you're waiting for your child and feeling as impatient as I feel, keep reading! I'll share with you a few tips on how to fake patience and grace in this excruciatingly long and important wait!
If you follow my advice, you'll fool the whole world into believing you're a strong, patient and graceful expecting parent.

So here is How to Fake Patience - Tip #1:

Are you adopting across cultures?
Great! There's a whole world for you to discover!
Spend some time researching your kid's culture of origin. Start with borrowing a Travel Guide Book from your local library. They usually have very succint general information sections where you can get a quick run through on the people, the economy and the history of a country. Find a recipe or two on the Internet and try it at home. Research celebrations from this culture. Do you know how Chinese New Year is celebrated? What African American weddings are like? What Guatemalans do for New Years Eve?

If you find it hard to motivate yourself to do this kind of research, find a way to give it more meaning. I find my blog is great motivation for me. On top of making me feel closer to my baby, those bits of information about Sri Lanka are great material for my blog.
Why not start a monthly newsletter to send out to family and close friends?
That would be a great way to keep you support network involved. And if anyone is not quite warm to the idea of your adoption, that could be a good tool to get them used to it!

If you follow this first tip, you should be able to use up the time you spend worrying about your adoption (let's face it, it can become an obsession at times!) to do something positive. And to the outer world, you will appear excited, but also strong, patient and graceful!

Stay tuned for more Tips on How to Fake Patience!


  1. I love your monthly newsletter idea! I definitely need to work on my patience!

    1. You don't actually habe to be patient, just fake it ;)

  2. I love the idea too Gen. Have you thought of a second career? There is certainly a lot of business waiting for you out there. When you read all the blogs of waiting parents, we have so much in common despite our different countries.

  3. seriously cinnamon baby? as an adopted child from Sri Lanka I find that really offensive and sure hope you won't call your Baby like that! It should be enough for a coloured baby to be given away to a white family and to feel always different from his parents only because of his color so dont make it worse!

    1. Hi Anonymous,
      I am so sorry you feel this way about my blog.. I don't pretend to know how it feels to be adopted trans-racially. Still, I love the golden color of Sri Lankan skin and have called the blog this way with a loving and respectful intention. Our family is already multi-racial and I hope our children will grow to be proud of all that we are.
      What I call private orphanages are charity homes for women to go to when their pregnancy is coming to an end. The adoptions themselves are not private. Waiting families are matched with waiting children by the Sri Lankan government only, with no possibility to go and arrange things by themselves.
      I'm sorry if the wording caused confusion.
      You are obviously hurt and struggling to make sense of your international adoption. Our family entered this adoption with the purest of feelings and complete respect for the unbelievably complex issues that birth families and adoptees face. We would never even consider doing this if our child's best interest was not at the center of all decisions.
      Please understand that adoptive families are not desperate for babies, but rather wish to offer a solution, admittedly imperfect, to a very difficult situation.
      I wish you the best and may you find it in you to forgive whoever you need to.

  4. also reading something about private orphanages really scares me... maybe you could read a little more about trafficking is a phenomenon people usually dont know much about. most of the adoptions in the 80s to western countries were private which makes them trafficking. even though the state sanctioned these adoptions in the end for the kids sake, they were still illegal. for me as a european citizen especially adoptions to the american countries concerns me a lot!