Saturday, May 4, 2013

Happy Mothers Day...

... to all the mothers at heart,
those who haven't yet met their children,
those who's children are angels,
those who take on the role of Mom without fitting into the mold,
those who are not parenting the children they gave birth to...

To all of us who have come to dislike Mothers Day because we feel left behind,
this is our day too.
We are mothers too.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

How to Fake Patience - Tip #7

This tip is one that is really close to my heart. It is one that I find very helpful when my mood isn't great and I start feeling sorry for myself:

How to Fake Patience - Tip #7: Lend a Hand!

Last fall, I thought a lot about why it hurt so much to be childless. And I found that I needed my life to have a meaning. Something bigger than my own entertainment.
That's when I decided I needed to volunteer my time for a cause that I found important.

I would have liked to volunteer to support patients at the local hospital or to help out children in my community. But with work, my availability didn't fit with what those organizations needed. So I found a program with Alberta Health Services that supports families who have lost a baby to miscarriage or still birth. As part of the services this wonderful program offers to parents, they dress the babies before presenting them to the parents. Some are born so tiny that even preemie clothing does not fit. So they have volunteers who hand sew little bunting bags and hand knit little blankets and tiny hats. They also put together a memorabilia box with pictures and keepsakes.

I started knitting for them late last year. It's perfect because I can do it at my own pace! To be honest, I didn't knit everything in the picture. There is a small group of amazing women who knit at work, and I asked if they wanted to help this program. They were all so generous with their time and talent.

And when I feel sorry for myself because of the wait, doing something to support people who are in such a rough place makes me feel a little bit more connected to others who suffer.

So if the wait is hard on you, start looking around. I'm sure there are ways you could lend a hand. And you may find that you'll get more out of it than you expected!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Latest News: Nothing New!

I have received an email from our agent, citing directly the Commissioner of the Department of Probation and Child Care Services in Colombo.
She confirms that the program is fully open again. At the same time, she outlines that the waiting list is pretty swollen by now. She has asked our agency to not send any new applications.
This confirms the latest rumors...
It also confirms that we will wait for a really long time before a child is proposed to us!
I guess that's really good news for families who have been waiting for longer than us and are close to the top of the waiting list!

I consider this information to be of a sure source, I have seen the signature from Ms. Perera at the bottom of the email.

On another note, I miss this blog! I wish there was more hope for families waiting to adopt from Sri lanka.... I hope everyone is doing good, and coping as they can...

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Losing Hope

I know, I've been neglecting this blog lately.
The latest news is very confusing. Our Canadian agency assures us that all orphanages will soon be able to refer children internationally. At the same time, the French Government web page states that no new applications are accepted and that healthy children are not available from Sri Lanka anymore.

The program has been still since December 2011, that's over a year.
Sure, we get updates that give us hope every now and then. But in reality, nothing is moving.

As I have hinted to before, we are pursuing other options, now. We are leaving our file in Sri Lanka and still hope to adopt from there one day, but we're not counting on it.
When we first started this process, we spoke with an mom from BC who had adopted from Sri Lanka. She advised us to not leave all our eggs in the same basket. She had put in a second application and succesfully adopted a first child from a different country before ever getting a referral from Sri Lanka.
Well, S., it took us over a year to understand and accept the value of your advice.

And since our focus has changed a bit, I find it harder to maintain this blog...

I will keep updating it, but I may not post as often for a while. I hope to eventually pick up the pace again, if our Sri Lanka adoption ever happens, or if the adoption of another child gives me valuable material.

Monday, February 18, 2013

How to Fake Patience - Tip #6

Adoption is stressful. It's scary, and painful. And it's a very personal life challenge.
We all cope in a different way.

Sometimes, we may tell ourselves how we want to react, but we can't always make it work.

If you are like me, you sometimes feel guilty for not being the stoic, graceful person you would like to be. If that's the case, well this tip is for you...

How to Fake Patience - Tip #6: Praise yourself!

Whenever you beat yourself up over your reactions and coping mechanisms, try to name at least one thing that makes you proud.

Feeling guilty about your jalousy over your girlfriend's third pregnancy since you started your journey? That's fine. But take a minute to pat yourself on the back for being able to maintain this friendship in such painful conditions!

Beating yourself up over that fight you had with your partner over delay in filling out a form for the adoption? So normal! But you certainly deserve some praise for making your relationship work through this horrendous stress!

If you need to, say these things out loud, or keep a list on the fridge. After all, you are amazing! A less amazing person would not have made it this far without breaking a few relationships, losing their job after a few public breakdowns or being accused of murdering their social worker*!

* Just to be clear, we love our social worker...

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Adoption Is Scary

I'm linking this post to Adoption Magazine's Adoption Blog Hop... If you don't know this blog, make sure you have a look, they have a lot of high quality posts!

Adoption is scary.
I mean, sure, having a child is always a scary adventure.
But adoption is different. It's more complicated, doesn't provide you with a timeline and, in most cases, isn't something that your Mom can advise you on.
Where a pregnant woman worries about miscarriage, birth defects and labor, a waiting parent worries about failed adoptions, pre-natal malnutrition and a long, emotionally painful process.
But there is so much more fears in adoption... Family acceptance, racial issues, attachment problems, difficult discussions with a growing child, alcohol or drug exposure, openness and dealing with this other family, finances...

In all honesty, I have been terrified every step of the way, ever since we decided to jump onboard this roallercoaster.
But the one biggest fear I have is the only thing that I can't say for sure will turn out fine. Are we doing what's best for our children? Are our kids going to resent us for taking them to this country where they look different? Will they feel like we have stripped them of the culture they should have grown up in? How do we instill enough pride and self confidence in our children to make them feel good about their stories?
What do we know? We haven't been in this situation. How can we fully sympathise with the challenges, the pains our kids will endure?

So while we wait, I try to prepare. I learn about Sri Lanka, I read about adoption, I spend time with kids, I talk with other parents... But the fears are always there. They are part of the journey. And though I'm scared silly every step of the way, I'm not turning back!

What fears do you have, as you wait for adoption?

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Some News From Sri Lanka

Well, this is what we have all been expecting for over a year!
We got an email from our agent and, from what I understand, the new rules are out for charity homes to place children internationally! This means that these homes could start referring children again soon. And it means a lot of hope for the families that still have a child in one of those orphanages, waiting for placement!
We do not know what the new rules are exactly and how they will affect number of referrals. As soon as I find out, I’ll post something on my blog.
I believe we should not get our hopes up too much. There is a good chance that children who are already matched will finally get placed with their families. But for waiting families, it’s hard to tell how much slower the process will be with the new procedures. And I don’t know how many new families have joined the list in the last year, so I’m still counting several years for Pablo and I...