Saturday, May 4, 2013

Happy Mothers Day...

... to all the mothers at heart,
those who haven't yet met their children,
those who's children are angels,
those who take on the role of Mom without fitting into the mold,
those who are not parenting the children they gave birth to...

To all of us who have come to dislike Mothers Day because we feel left behind,
this is our day too.
We are mothers too.

17 comments:

  1. so beautiful! I am going to copy this

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  2. Hi,

    regards from Filand. I just read your blog and it reminds me of my own process over 23 years ago, when we (me and my husband) were in the same situation. I can remember the changing emotions during the adoption process whick took altogether 2,3 years until we got our doughter and later only 9 months we got our son, both from Sri Lanka.

    I really hope that your story ends up happily and you will have a child. It is really worth all the efforts and time. Now my children are on their own and I am writing a book which is based on the correspondence with the biological mothers, roottrips and memories.

    everything good for your life

    Tuuli

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    Replies
    1. Tuuli,
      Thank you so much for the positive, inspiring comment! You give hope to all of us waiting to adopt out there. It's so amazing that you were able to keep contact with the bio moms of your children!
      Do you remember how terribly difficult the process was, or does the pain and worry fade away after placement?
      All the best with your book!
      Gen

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    2. Gen and all the waiting parents

      Our process did not go further until we got a private adoptive broker. She was some kind of a social worker. The local authorities didn't do anything at that time without these private "helpers". The application files were enormous and nobody read them if there wasn't anybody who represented us. The finnish Save the Children didn't firstly quite know how to help us. We got our advise from Swedish families and used the same person in both adoptions.

      There were also times in SL,(even years) when all the adoptions were banned because of the changhing law. The local authorities tried to avoid the tracking of children in all possible ways. That's why there always had to be someone, a mother or another relative, who was handing the child over the adoption. It was impossible to adopt a totally orphon child.

      We were in the same court with the biological mother. She had to convince that she freewillingly wanted to give her child to us and we had to promise that we want to take care of the child and love her/him. You can imagine our feelings when we had to face the mother's sorrow and distress when givig up her child. If the mother was crying in the court, the whole process moved forward and the mother got more time to think over her decision. Our children's mothers did not cry there, but still it was not easy for them. And not easy for us either.

      We had to pay for the broker and to the court but it was absolutely forbidden to pay anything to the mother.

      Later trouhgout the letters we got to know the reasons for the adoptions. We have also met the mothers (siblings, aunts, grandparents and so on) three times, which has been very important to our children's identity development.

      I hope that our story gives hope to you. I can say that children have been the most important in my life. When you got a child you will also have a whole culture and that is something so wonderful that you can't understand without experience.

      Sorry about my english. Hope you understand the main things.

      Tuuli


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  3. Wow Gen you are so inspiring!!

    I've been following your blog since I came across it in December last year and I am so impressed by your diligence, dedication and beautiful spirit! You seem so worldly, cultured and so open minded :) And Tuuli, your story is amazing! All the best with your book, I'm definitely going to be a reader! I was born in Sri Lanka and raised in Australia. Even when I was much younger, I always imagined my family consisting of bio and adoptive children. I've recently found out that it's going to be quite a challenge for me to have bio children, and after the painful emotional journey after finding that out (which I'm still going through I guess!) I have come to embrace the thought of adoption more so than ever! I still have a few years to go before I reach the age whereby I am eligible as a parent to apply to adopt. But I'm glad I have those few years to get all my facts straight to make what seems like a heck of a journey to a smoother one (if that's even possible!). I have dual citizenship (SL and AUS) so I'm hoping that might make the process a little easier maybe. I'm praying for you guys, I really hope you get your beautiful cinnamon baby asap, you seem like you'd be the perfect parents :) All the best!

    xo
    S

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    1. ciao Gen,

      your thought fro mother's day is simply beautiful!
      I hope yoru child is on the way home. O hope it will be soon, soon.
      Just remember that all the ugly waiting time will have a meaning when you and your husband will look at him/her in your arms.
      And I hope that all abandoned SL children could soon find again foreigner families to take care of them.
      Baci form Italy,
      ludovica

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    2. Hi ladies,
      Thank you for your kind words!

      Ludovica, I'm wishing the same for you... I hope things start moving again for you soon!

      S, you must be going through a very tough time... Infertility is not easy to go through, and it feels so unfair. Adoption is a beautiful thing. It's difficult and involves a lot of grief for everybody. The bio parents will always have a whole in their hearts, and the kids have to deal with questions they shouldn't have to worry about. But it's beautiful to think that people overcome the fear and the grief out of love for a child. I really hope your process goes smoother than ours...

      Gen

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  4. Thanks for sharing this useful information. I enjoyed reading it.

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  5. Hi Gen, we are waiting parents from the Netherlands and we always enjoy reading your blog. It is so recognizable! Unfortunately the international stop since Dec 2011 makes it hard for any of us. We can't even think about all those childeren waiting up there. Our adoption process started in Feb 2007.... However, We've heard that 3 couples in Germany were made very happy recently and one couple in the Netherlands as well. So, I was wondering if there is any more news in your country.... Hope so for all of us! Best regards, the Dutchies

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    Replies
    1. Hi there,
      We haven't received any news at all from our agency...
      Best of luck to you!
      Gen

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  6. Hi there! I hope you enjoyed your summer and are enjoying your fall! My name is Heather and I have a question about your blog! If you could email me at Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com that would be great!

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  7. Hi Gen!

    Do you finally have any news from your agency? We are going to start with the adoption process for a child from Sri Lanka as well. And would be great for me to know a little bit more about the really waiting time.

    Thanks in advance!
    Karina

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    Replies
    1. Hi Karina,

      Our agency has emailed us saying that 7 children were proposed since the program reopened in the summer of 2012, all in Europe.
      I don't know what the other programs look like right now, or what your motivations to choose Sri Lanka are, but I would recommend you reconsider, if timing is important to you.
      As things are currently, I expect the wait time will be much much longer than we first expected.
      I wish you the best of luck in creating your family,
      Gen

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  8. Hi Gen:) I posted a few comments to you some time ago. (I was adopted from Sri Lanka). I wanted to check in and see how things are progressing. I can see from the post above that you still have a wait. I am really hoping you hear something soon. I had my first baby (a little boy) last year. It doesn't matter to me either biological or adopted of course, but it is pretty cool to see someone who looks like me as I haven't ever before! I hope your wait is going to be up very soon xo

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  9. Hi Gen. It has been a while (over a year) I wrote to you. I just noticed that not much has happened for you, but I am hoping that finally everything is going well and you'll have a child.

    I have published a book about our adoption process (Sri Lanka). Unfortunately it is in Finnish, But I am writing a blog in english.

    http://avoinadoptio.blogspot.fi/

    You can freely share it. I am looking forward to get some comments on my blog.

    Tuuli

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  10. HI Gen,

    My husband and I are looking to adopt from Sri Lanka. Reading your blog from the beginning gave us hope that this was possible. I was hoping to know if you finally got the opportunity to hold your cinnamon baby. I would love it if you can email me: mmahes01@gmail.com

    Mathusha

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