Another Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving week-end again, in Canada.
And since I'm writing this in an airport, on my way back home after a full week with my family in Montreal, I have to say something about them. I am so very grateful that our baby, when she finally comes, will have accepting grand-parents, amazing aunts and uncles and the cutest cousins in the world. We are really lucky that everyone is so anxious to meet our kid.

Each birthday, holiday or milestone we hit is a reminder of how long we've been standing here; how much the whole world is moving and changing and how stuck our life is since we decided to start our family. This is my second Thanksgiving post on this blog... Last year, I was trying to find the silver lining in all the clouds. This year, I want to start creating more opportunities to highlight it. To do this, I'll follow my own advice and plan all sorts of non-baby-friendly activities.
These years are making me stronger and more compassionate. They are giving me tools for survival and I think they'll make me a much better Mom. This is something to be grateful for and, though it's hard to see right now, I know I'll be glad things happened this way, when it's all over.

How to Fake Patience - Tip #2

Months are flying by, seasons are starting and ending, years just keep on piling up and you’re still standing in the exact same spot. Waiting.

It’s hard to stay graceful and stoic when you’re waiting for your child to come home!

That’s why I give you How to Fake Patience – Tip #2:

We all know that parenting is a demanding job. However badly you want this child to join your family, there will still be some sacrifice.

To help make the wait more bearable, try to think of a few things that you’ll have to give up when your adoption is complete. Then, plan for those things in a given time frame. For an example, you could try to do one thing per month that you know you won’t be able to enjoy as much once your kid is here. This won’t make up for not having your child with you, but it’s a bit like a consolation prize!

Having a hard time coming up with ideas? Maybe these can inspire you:

-          Have a romantic date with your sweetheart, without having to worry about what’s going on at home.

-          Stay up late on a weekend night. You could go to the late movie show and get up reeeaaallly late the next morning. And why not have coffee in bed, too?

-          Go on sports outings. If you like bicycling, go for a long, tough ride. Pick a hike that would be way too long for a toddler. Sign up for an ice-climbing class.

-          Walk around the house naked, have some fun with your partner in unconventional places, and be loud. The living room couch will forever be for watching TV once your kids are there...

-          Eat at a restaurant where kids are out of place. Eat osso bucco, spinach and risotto.

-          Plan a trip you won’t want to do with kids. Go winery hopping, take a super long road trip, backpack through Africa, go on a culture trip and visit museums until you drop.

-          Already have kids? Remember that some activities will get more expensive once your family is bigger! Why not go to the local amusement park?

-          If your kids are not going to be of the same gender, you could do something super girly with your daughter, or something boyish with your son.

-          Spend some quality one-on-one time with your kids. Take an extra half hour to rock them to sleep, play or do something crafty together.

Any more great ideas? Feel free to share in the comments!

And when you’re up cleaning stomach flu accidents at 3am on a Wednesday, you can think back to that sweet safari in South Africa you did while you were waiting!

Adoption Breastfeeding

Adoption means arriving a bit later than usual in the life of your kid. Most parents conceive, carry and give birth to their children.

For some adoptive families, there is a sense of loss around the portion of their children’s life they missed on. Adoptive mothers are not going to feel their baby kicking in their ribs in the middle of the night, they will never experience that magical moment when, exhausted and sweaty, they hear the very first cry of their tiny newborn.

But did you know that some adoptive mothers are able to nurse their babies?

Yep. You read me right. Women who were never pregnant, who did not give birth but rather travelled across country to meet their brand new baby can produce milk and breastfeed them.

It’s not for everyone. The process is demanding, you have to start much before your baby is even born, and most women need medication to get their milk supply up. The baby has to be either brand new at the time of adoption, or already breastfed by her birthmother. And there is no guarantee that it will work. Often, a supplementation system is needed, where formula is given at the same time.

Consideration also has to be given to the birthmother. Is it OK to ask her to breastfeed a baby she will have to grieve for in a few days, until you can take over?

On the other hand, if all conditions are favorable, it’s a great way to foster attachment between the mother and baby.

If you decide this is right for your family and feel like the hard work and dedication is worth the chance that it will work, have a look at this web page. It has lots of information on how to get started and what to expect.

As for ourselves, nursing is not even an option. Our baby will be too old when we meet her and very probably bottle-fed. Even then, adoptive breastfeeding doesn’t feel like the right option to me. I know that’s the best source of food for a baby, but the amount of work it represents and the relatively high chance of not succeeding wouldn’t make it that appealing. Also, it would feel a bit weird to me (though I fully realize that it may be the best option for other families).

On top of that, I like that Pablo will get the attachment benefits of feeding our baby as much as I will!

Peter's Curry

It had been a while since we tried a new Sri Lankan recipe. Since we were camping with some friends this weekend and were responsible for Saturday night’s supper, Pablo cooked a huge batch of curry on Friday. Our friends didn't know that we are adopting, yet!

He used this recipe for Cashew Nut Curry from My Sri Lanka, and he added some chicken. The result was delicious!

Oh! And our friends were pumped that we're adopting!

Financial Talk

As you know, adoption is expensive. International adoption in particular.

While you wait for a referral, it’s a good idea to try saving as much as you can. This way, you can minimize the amount you have to borrow to pay for plane tickets, in-country expenses and professional fees and to make up for the lost salary if you’re going to take parental leave.

Whether you cut back on restaurant expenses, downsize your vacation plans, take a second job, collect donations from generous friends or organize a fundraiser, you’ll see your adoption account slowly swell to a more comfortable level.

The question of how to maintain the value of this money will certainly come up at some point. It has for us.

Yesterday, we met with a financial advisor at our bank. We sat with him and explained what our goal was. Since we don’t know what the timing of our adoption will be, and we have a very specific goal that we cannot concede on, our conditions were pretty rigid. Our basic question was: “Can you help us get the most interest for this money while  a) keeping it fully cashable within a few days notice and b) keeping it completely safe?”

So we looked at all sorts of options. We looked at Guaranteed Investment Certificatess, but cashable ones have ridiculously low interest rates right now. We talked about mutual funds and stocks, but we can’t afford to risk our baby’s homecoming money. We even looked at using our mortgage as a credit line. Although this option has advantages in the long run, it would create a cashflow problem at the time of our travel to Sri Lanka.

After crunching numbers and looking at interest rates for almost an hour, we came to the conclusion that our money was best exactly where it was now.

So here is what we figured was best for someone saving for an adoption who has no idea when they’ll need the money and who will get very little notice:

-          Open up a Tax Free Savings Account – pick the one with the best interest rate that is cashable at any time and guaranteed.

-          Deposit your adoption money in your TFSA until you max out your limit.

-          Deposit any extra money you manage to save into a non-registered savings account – again, pick the one with the best interest rate that is cashable at any time and guaranteed.

Note that if you pull money from your TFSA, you have to wait to the next year before you can refill it. So if you know you’re going to need some of the money in the short term, you might as well deposit this money in your non-registered savings account until you need it.

One more side note: this is true in today’s financial world, with very low interest rates. When things start picking up again, other types of savings account may become more interesting.

And one final piece of advice: don’t take my word for it! If you’ve been putting money aside for your adoption, you owe it to yourself to book an appointment with a financial advisor. You don’t want to find out 2 years down the road that you could be $1000 richer!

Sri Lanka Wildlife

Sri Lanka has an incredibly rich wildlife, especially given its relatively small territory.

Elephants, wild boars, giant bats, crocodiles, exotic birds, even leopards! Just for fun, here are a few pictures I found of Sri Lankan animals:

 

Picture from http://www.asianews.it/files/img/SRI_LANKA_(F)_1016_-_Elephant.jpg

Picture from  http://www.naturephoto-cz.com/photos/sevcik/pteropus-giganteus--pteropus-giganteus-3.jpg 

Picture from  http://holidaysinsrilanka.net/Assets/images/inside/SriLanka_Leopard_At_Yala.jpg 

Picture from  http://ceylonbestholiday4u.lk/images/sri_lanka_brown_headed_barbet_fruit_tree.jpg 

But I really wanted to write about this weird reptile... In English, it is called the Water Monitor. Isn't that already a strange name for an animal?

In Sinhala, they are called Kabaragoyas. And apparently, they are pretty common on the island! They can measure up to 3m (that's 9ft), but they also have a little brother called Thalagoya.

I had never heard about it, and it will probably make me a little nervous if we go on any type of nature walk in Sri Lanka...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Kabaragoya:

 

Picture from  http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9c/Sri-Lanka_water_monitor.jpg 

Pretty, eh?

I'd love for this little guy to come rub against my leg!

I don't know how much freedom we'll have, with the paperwork and all, when we go to Sri Lanka. Still, I really hope that we get to go in some National Parks or maybe even on a safari when we're there! How often do you get to see elephants and water monitors in the wild?

Answers from Colombo!

Aaahhhh! That feels so much better!
I have a much better understanding of what is expected of us from Citizenship and Immigration Canada!

After we got this ridiculous email, last week, we had tons of questions.
Pablo tried calling the Canadian High Commission in Colombo. Since we have 11.5hrs difference with Colombo, he had to stay up late to call during their office hours. Only to be told that they did not provide information over the phone and that, if we couldn't find what we needed on their website, we would have to either come to their office in person (yeah right!) or send out an email.
So I sent out a nice, long, detailed email with a list of questions.

I received a reply just a week later (which is pretty good, given that there was a long weekend in there).
And the reply answers all my questions very clearly!

So here is what you need to know if you're using the Immigration process for your adopted child:

• The threat of refusing your application if all documents are not received in 30 days does not apply to international adoption.
• There is a list of required documents specific to each country on the CIC website. They can all wait until you have accepted a child. This way, all forms will have the right name, gender, date of birth, etc.
• If the Schedule A document is listed on your checklist, you don't need to send it for the adoption of a child under 16 years old. If you want, you can send it with NOT APPLICABLE written on it, just to be on the safe side.
• If you need to send out IMM5406 - Additional Family Information, you do need to include yourselves as the parents.

According to email I received, Pablo and I do not need to provide Police Checks or Certificates of Citizenship. But I would confirm with the Visa Office in the country you are adopting from.

If you're going to email your Visa Office, here's one tip I want to share: Include a list of all the documents you understand are required. I did this, all in bullet points, and then asked the Visa Office in Colombo to confirm that the list was correct and complete. This will give you the assurance (and written proof) that you're not missing any important (and time sensitive) document when you travel to pick up your child.

I am feeling sooooo much better now that I have a better understanding of what we need to do! For now, that's pretty much nothing, anyway... The guy did ask for an email update on our adoption every 2 to 3 months, but that won't be a big deal.
And to be fair, after the initial email and phone call, we got some very good service from the High Commision in Colombo.

So here's to clarifying another bit of the process!