This post is about a difficult issue, which I hope we never have to worry about... Our social worker has raised questions about it, and I called our Ontario agency today to discuss this possibility.
I’m talking about having to refuse a referral.
It happens that the proposed child is not right for the adoptive family, that a doctor specialized in international adoptions raises concerns about the health and development of the child before the adoption takes place and the parents feel that they cannot take proper care of this child.
I wish I could say we are above this. But I have seen and heard of too many good adoptive families who have had to make that excruciating decision, and it would be pretentious (and unfair to the child) to think that we are limitless.
So I have clarified with our Ontario agent what would happen exactly, if this was what life had in store for us.
In Sri Lanka, the children do not get proposed to the agencies. They are matched directly with the adoptive families by Sri Lankan officials. Because of this, there is no way of knowing how far up on the list we are. I am not even sure they refer kids according to the order they received the dossiers...
If we were to refuse a referral, we would not necessarily be proposed the next available child. We would go back into the bucket and wait for Sri Lanka to match us with another kid. There is no telling how much longer we would have to wait.
On the other hand, our agency has never had a family refusing a referral from the Sri Lanka program. That is somewhat reassuring... I realize it is a small program, but it has been around for 11 years.
It’s painful to even think about such issues, but I am grateful that our social worker asked about it. Well informed adoptive families are better suited to make the right decisions.
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