Friday, November 30, 2012

Why Do We Want Children?

Have you ever stopped to think about the motivations behind your desire to have children?

At first, it might have been just to follow a tradition, because that's the way things go...
But why do we work so hard to have children when it proves difficult?

I have thought about this a lot, lately. What if this doesn't work? Could we be happy without children? Would we spend our life regretting what could have been? What would be missing in my life, if I didn't have kids?
I believe this last question is of supreme importance.

We probably all have different reasons to want children. Maybe you absolutely need the activity and excitement in your life. Maybe you're worried of the loneliness as years go by. Maybe you can't bear to disappoint a partner or deny grand-parenthood to your parents.

For me, it's the need to dedicate myself to something more important than me.
Sure, a life without kids would mean a lot more money, travels, freedom. But even the most exciting life seems a bit tasteless to me if it's all about myself.
With this in mind, I believe I could lead a happy life without children. It's the first time that I'm even able to bare this thought. I would have to find a greater cause to serve. Maybe I would dedicate myself to charity or something like that. I'm not ready to accept this yet, I would have to grieve the family I have imagined. But I think I could do it if it proved necessary.

Coming to this conclusion, very new to me, has made me feel a bit relieved. We are not done with the heartbreak. But I know at some point, whatever fate decides, I will be fulfilled again. This state of waiting is temporary. And that gives me some strength to keep going.


  1. Well written Gen. I really admire your courage and strength on this journey. Your kiddos are going to be lucky to have such a strong and patient mama! :)

  2. I second Gina's comment and also know exactly how you feel as a waiting parent because lately I have been asking myself the same thing. Should I throw it all in all now but as it means so much to me I am not ready to do that yet. I'm not sure I could be happy without a child and so will hang in for a while longer.
    Take care,

  3. Thank you ladies!
    With our program slowing down and another dreaded holiday season coming, I have felt the need to reflect upon those things... I hope you two can enjoy the spirit of the season with your two unique life circumstances!

  4. I know exactly what you mean. We went through the same questions last Spring and although we thought we *might* be able to live kid-free, it's so not something I can even bare to think about right now.

    1. Thanks for your comment, Danielle. It's good to know that we're not alone with these mixed feelings :)