Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Just to Confirm...

Doubt creeps in pretty easily... That’s what happens when you’re not in full control. And control is not a luxury we can enjoy, when it comes to adoption!
I have been exchanging emails with this Canadian adoptive mom who brought her little girl home through a different agency than us. The other day, she wrote about making sure that we met all the requirements, including being married 2 years.
Do you think 2 weeks will do?
We had confirmed we met the requirements with our Ontario agency, and I had an email where they clearly stated that there was no minimal length of marriage required. But this mom had been there, and it was a requirement for them to be married at least 2 years before adopting! That’s when doubt started creeping in. I was staring at our agency’s email that said we were alright, and still pictured us having to change countries and shop for a new agency. Worse: imagine our agent had made a mistake and we realized months into the process that we would have to change countries!
So I sent another email to our agency, insisting on that one particular requirement. And the answer came back yesterday: no minimal length needed (our agent was nice enough not to send me to hell for asking a question she had already answered in writing).
That makes me wonder, though... Why did this family face different requirements? It must have been an agency requirement, but how unfair would it be for an intermediary agency to add obstacles on top of the Sri Lankan demands?
It also made me realize that I will need to learn how to give up control. I hate doubt so much, I almost asked my agent to send me official Sri Lankan documents that would describe the requirements. Not that I don’t trust her, but doesn’t feel natural to not be in full control!
Anyway, if anyone wondered, the answer is out there: there is no SL requirement to be married more than a single day to adopt from there. You have to be legally married though. Most countries don’t recognize common-law spouses.


  1. I feel what you are saying very well. Uncertainty.
    In the coming months remember both of you to retreat sometimes into that little inner garden of detachment and faith, and things will work out just fine.
    Here is proof that all things are connected and bliss is coming your way :)

  2. You're so right... And I think I did need a reminder! Thx