Liebster Award

Well, it's the first time I do something like this... Mia, over at Gypsy Mama's Misconceptions, has nominated me for a Liebster Award :) Thank you Mia, you're so sweet!

This award is given to new or up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another. If you receive the award, there are a few rules to follow.

Each blogger nominated must post 11 things about themselves.

Then answer the 11 questions the tagger has asked.

Blogger must then create 11 questions of their own to ask the bloggers they decide to nominate.

They must choose 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers to nominate and link them on their blog post.

Bloggers must be notified of their award.

No tag backs!

11 Things About Me:

1- I'm a Quebecoise living in Alberta, and I'm deeply in love with both my home city and my Rocky Mountains.

2- I'm an outdoors addict. Rarely do I get a rush like when going down a fast hill on my cross-country skis or stopping to catch a breath on the summit of a mountain.

3- There were only women in my home as I was growing up.

4- My husband and I dated for 10 years before getting married. Really, we got married for the adoption.

5- I have a challenging and stimulating job as an engineer...

6- ... but my secret dream job would have been as a travel guide author.

7- Whenever I travel to a country where I don't speak the language, I do the "Word of the Day": I learn one new word a day and make efforts to use it with locals.

8- I know the trick to a lasting relationship: marry your best friend!

9- I knit, and so does my Grandma. It skipped a generation in my family :)

10- I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro with a girlfriend a few years ago.

11- I worked as a museum guide in a Space Science museum when I was a teenager. I learned tons and loved this job.

11 Questions From Mia:

1- What was your favourite food as a child? My Grandmother's tourtiere, a sort of pie with hare, moose and other meats.

2- Where do you want to retire? Probably back in Quebec, close to my family.

3- Favourite cookie? You know those packed shortbread cookies with the red jelly sprinkled with sugar in the middle? Well I still like them as much as when I was a kid...

4- Introvert or Extravert? I think I'm extrovert... 

5- What chore do you absolutely hate doing? Vacuuming. I'd rather clean the toilet bowl for a month than vacuum my house.

6- What is your favourite time of day? Conversations on the pillow before falling asleep.

7- Would you rather take pictures or be in pictures? Take pictures, if the subject is interesting.

8- Is toilet paper hung over or under? Over, of course!

9- Who has the sexiest accents? People from Southern France. In English, I'm a sucker for a light British accent. Wait... Was I supposed to say Latinos???

10- Favourite Disney Princess. Hum... I guess Belle is the one I liked the most when I was a kid. If I can cheat a bit, I'll says Shrek's Fiona (though it's not a Disney character). I like that she is unconventional...

11- What was your first job? Burger King. That was before the museum. 

11 Questions From Me:

1- What is your favorite movie?

2- What kind of student were you in elementary school?

3- Your biggest success?

4- What is your oldest memory?

5- Who was your hero when you were growing up?

6- Describe a place you love close to your home.

7- What's your go-to meal to entertain friends?

8- One song on your playlist right now?

9- Name one quality you hope one of your parents has passed on to you.

10- Are you more into Science or Arts?

11- How much time do you spend blogging and reading blogs each day?

Bloggers I Nominate:

I only have a few blogs that I follow that have less than 200 followers:

• La Belle Vie
• My Road to Motherhood
• Adoption in Adolescent Eyes

Back Home, And Back To My Old Self!

I'm just back from Greece.
Travelling was not the wisest financial decision, given that we still need to save for our adoption. But it was total salvation for my mental health and I regret absolutely nothing!

A full 3 weeks without paperwork, focusing on anything but the dread and sorrow in our lives (namely, antique ruins, baklavas and sunsets over olive groves), seems to have restored some of my sanity. I haven't felt that serene in months, maybe years (I've also put on 5 lbs, but every single baklava was worth it). Actually, I recognize good old Gen, the one with an optimistic outlook on life and a taste for adventure. I hadn't seen her in a long time!
There is no question, if we're still childless by then, we're running away from Christmas 2013 as well!

I hope everyone had the best holiday season possible!

We're Off!

The Holiday season can be the most difficult time of the year when you're waiting to adopt.
In all honesty, I have come to dislike Mother's Day, my birthday, Halloween and New Year's Eve as well. But Christmas is so loaded with childhood memories, and so widely celebrated around here that it has become the time of year that I hate the most.
I believe it's not just the adoption community who feels this way. Christmas is difficult when you have recently lost someone close, when you live away from your family, when you are recently divorced or when illness has stricken your family this year.

I believe that, when life gets a bit rough, you have to do what's necessary to ease the pain. Even if it means not following traditions, or sometimes disappointing others.

So this year, Pablo and I are running away from Chistmas.
We're off to Greece for 3 weeks!
The first week will be just the two of us, on the continent. Then, we're meeting up with Pablo's parents and brother on Crete for 2 weeks.
Of course, we'll miss the rest of the family, and it's sad to give up the traditions that we love. But it's even more sad to follow your traditions when someone so crucial as your own kid is missing. Hopefully it's the last Christmas we have to run away from!

To all, a very happy holiday season! And may your dearest dreams come true...

I Dreamed It Was Our Turn

It may be because of Gina's post, last week...
I dreamed last night that we were told by our agency about a couple of twin girls, due to be born on November 1st. They had told us we would get a proposal for them, but that it would take a few months after they were born.
I know, that's not exactly how International Adoption works, but isn't that what dreams are for?
I woke up feeling serene :-)

Sri Lanka Wildlife

Sri Lanka has an incredibly rich wildlife, especially given its relatively small territory.

Elephants, wild boars, giant bats, crocodiles, exotic birds, even leopards! Just for fun, here are a few pictures I found of Sri Lankan animals:

 

Picture from http://www.asianews.it/files/img/SRI_LANKA_(F)_1016_-_Elephant.jpg

Picture from  http://www.naturephoto-cz.com/photos/sevcik/pteropus-giganteus--pteropus-giganteus-3.jpg 

Picture from  http://holidaysinsrilanka.net/Assets/images/inside/SriLanka_Leopard_At_Yala.jpg 

Picture from  http://ceylonbestholiday4u.lk/images/sri_lanka_brown_headed_barbet_fruit_tree.jpg 

But I really wanted to write about this weird reptile... In English, it is called the Water Monitor. Isn't that already a strange name for an animal?

In Sinhala, they are called Kabaragoyas. And apparently, they are pretty common on the island! They can measure up to 3m (that's 9ft), but they also have a little brother called Thalagoya.

I had never heard about it, and it will probably make me a little nervous if we go on any type of nature walk in Sri Lanka...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Kabaragoya:

 

Picture from  http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9c/Sri-Lanka_water_monitor.jpg 

Pretty, eh?

I'd love for this little guy to come rub against my leg!

I don't know how much freedom we'll have, with the paperwork and all, when we go to Sri Lanka. Still, I really hope that we get to go in some National Parks or maybe even on a safari when we're there! How often do you get to see elephants and water monitors in the wild?

The Chinese Must Know...

It’s the second time this happens since we started this process!

I’m taking this as a promise...

I just wish they had provided a timeline!

Who Will it Be?

As you know, I’m keeping a just-for-fun pool with friends and families (and readers too! Go to this post to participate!).

So far, 19 have voted on our child’s gender, age at referral and year of referral.

On average, we’ll get a referral in 2013 for an 8 months old boy. It’s funny because that was Pablo’s exact prediction J

I have to say that I believe wishful thinking is playing its role here… 2013 is very optimistic. And I’m the only one so far who is predicting a referral past 2013! I guess I should thank everybody for wishing us a quick process! I sure hope it happens this way!

My own personal guess? I say we’ll get a referral for a 4 months old boy in 2014.

And for the record, 4 of our friends and family members think we’ll get twins J

On Hope

I find that Hope is a very tricky element of the adoption journey.

Anyone who has ever heard the word patience in regard to their family building effort knows that Hope can be a very dangerous thing. It’s a simple equation: the more hopeful you are, the more painful the fall. And anyone who talks about optimism and how it’s supposed to attract good luck has clearly never been there.

So there are good reasons for trying to keep your Hope levels under control, however difficult that sometimes is.

On the other hand, the balance has to flip sides at one point. How do you prepare for the child that’s coming when you keep thinking it won’t happen? How do you even start preparing the people around you, your family, your friends, even your work team? How do you plan financially for diapers and ballet classes if you’re sure you’ll never have to worry about these?

So managing our levels of Hope seems like a very delicate, yet critical task to me. It’s something I struggled with in a lot of different ways, those past few months. And it’s still a struggle.

I am willing to believe that we’ll be parents one day and that we can start preparing. But anything more concrete seems too dangerous.

Our agency gave us a range of 8 to 24 months to referral.

I think buying baby clothes is fine. But moving our bedroom to free up the baby’s room? Telling my boss that I may very well go on parental leave in a few months? I’m not quite ready. And please don’t tell me to let myself be hopeful, I’m the one who’s risking the fall.

I can’t help but notice that today, we’ve waited for 1 month, that this leaves 23 months to the longest waiting time our agency has seen and that, if those numbers are right, 4.2% of our pregnancy has passed. That’s not even 2 weeks of a biological pregnancy. For now, this is about as far as I’ll go in hoping that our timeline isn’t too far off…

Take a Guess!

When our file made it to Sri Lanka, I sent an email to our family and close friends. Along with our pregnancy (on paper) announcement, I started an unofficial pool.

Just like some couples get their families to try and guess if they’re expecting a boy or a girl, I asked everyone to pick a gender, age at referral and year of referral.

It’s just for fun, there’s no money involved or anything else than the satisfaction of winning... And it makes waiting and dreaming about our kid so much more fun for us!

Take a guess too! Here’s what you need to know:

-          We requested a child under 12 months old. Babies are usually not available before they’re 3 months old.

-          We didn’t specify a gender, but we said that twins were ok.

-          There’s approximately as many boys as girls available in Sri Lankan orphanages, but our agency has received a few more requests for girls than for boys.

-          We started waiting on June 18, 2012. The average wait is about 18 months. The shortest wait our agency has had is 8 months, the longest, 24 months.

You don't have to know us personally to participate. Just leave a comment telling us:

-          Girl, boy (or twins)?

-          How many months old will our baby be when we receive the referral?

-          In what year will we receive our referral?

Whoever is the closest wins!

365 Days

One year ago to the day, Pablo and I took the decision to adopt.
We had talked about it before.

Several years before, when we were still unsure we even wanted kids, I had told Pablo adoption made so much sense to me. He had to agree (it does make more sense than making new babies in an overpopulated world filled with kids in need of a family). But he was not as enthused as I was. It was more of a "yeah... maybe one day... we'll see." reaction.

Then, in the year leading to our decision, we talked about it more seriously. We had even researched the process. But what we had found had slowed us down. The process turned out to be heavy (that's an understatement), long (another understatement) and expensive. And we discovered it carried risks and challenges we had not thought about.
We looked at adopting from Ecuador, where Pablo grew up and we still have family. But the process is very difficult there, and the children available where older than we would consider. We put the project aside again.

All we needed was a little nudge from life.
On July 9, 2011, after a very difficult day, we came to the conclusion that this was what we had to do.
We had no idea where to start or what countries were available to us, we weren't sure how long we'd have to wait and we weren't even married. But committing to that decision lifted such a weight from our shoulders.

In those 365 days, we've done a lot of bushwhacking and figured out most of the process. We got married, obtained our government's approval to adopt, were judged and evaluated by social workers as a family, gathered a lot of documents, put together our Dossier. We've fallen from our cloud when the program was suspended suddenly, we've questioned our decisions and had to defend them in front of strangers, killed time in these infamous months by learning about Sri Lanka, about parenting and about adoption. We've celebrated the re-opening of our program, gotten on the actual waiting list (which I picture more as a huge pile of dossiers in a Sri Lanka office), started picturing ourselves as an expecting couple. We've started the process to give our precious Canadian citizenship (with all the privileges it entails) to our Cinnamon Baby.
To this day, we have put in 3 weeks of our actual wait time.

In those 365 days, I've also started this blog and made friends with a number of amazing people. I've learned about other cultures and other processes. I've received all sorts of useful tips from other parents, adoptive and bio, and also from Sri Lankans. I've poured my heart out on days when this adventure didn't feel so glamorous, and I've celebrated every little victory with you guys. And I've received amazing support.

In those 365 days, Pablo and I have come closer to one another. We've cried and celebrated together. We've both changed our views on so many things, including birth families, racial issues and parenting. And our level of compassion for our fellow human beings has raised substantially.

This isn't an easy road to travel. It's scary, tiring and long. And it's lonely at times.
But it's also a beautiful and humbling adventure. We've never done anything as exciting as this.
And somehow, working this hard for our child has made us love him/her more than words can express, without even knowing anything about him/her.

So here's to another year of paperwork, blogging and learning!
(and who knows? this may be our year!)

The Quest for a Name

Adopting, just like pregnancy, has some fun parts, and some not-so-fun parts.

I'm trying to untangle the facts about immigration right now. Not fun.
More on this soon (or not so soon, depending on how long it takes me to understand the process).

At the same time, Pablo and I are in the process of picking first names. Now that's fun!!
It's really not easy in our case, but the challenge is making it even more fun...
See, the problem is that half of our family is Spanish-speaking, while the other half is French-speaking. Because we want the name we pick to sound good in both languages, more than half of the names in baby name lists are a no-no for us!
While Etienne doesn't sound right in Spanish, Guillermo is unpronounceable in French.
Any name that has a J in it is a catastrophy, because the Spanish J isn't a sound in French, and vice versa.
So Jaime would sound Haime in French, but Julien would have this throaty sound in Spanish. (My own first name is a problem too, in fact...)
On top of that, names that are in fashion in South America may be fit for my grand-father's generation in Quebec, and Pablo sometimes laughs when I suggest a name which has been associated with a TV character in his culture.
And then, I grew up with 4 other Gen's in my class, and I hated this. I've always wished I had a more original first name. I mean, nothing too weird... just something I didn't share with half my generation...

We already have an idea of a girl's name, but boys names are a real puzzle.
So yesterday, after supper, we sat together and pulled a few lists from the Internet. Popular names in both languages, but also older and forgotten names. We went through the list, pronouncing the names in French and English. We both had to give up names we really liked because of the constraints we're dealing with. But we also had a few good laughs... Moshe is pretty funny in French...

In the end, we have 4 possible boys names. My first choice is Pablo's fourth, and I'm bothered a bit by the fact that two of those names are very popular right now in Quebec. But we're making way! And it's so much fun doing this together, I'm not sure I want us to settle on anything quite yet anyways :-)

Our Dossier is in Sri Lanka!

Our Dossier is on its last stretch: it has cleared customs at the airport in Colombo! Now, to the government offices!

I Love FedEx's Tracking System!

Our Dossier is in Dubai. I hope it's sunnier there than here!

The Smile of a Future Dad

You can tell the future dad is excited...

When he received the polite, official sounding email from Alberta Adoption Services, he decided to forward it to me with only a smiley face for a message.

But instead of hitting foward, he hit reply. And he sent a smiley face to the lady at the government... I think he’s getting a little too casual... :-D

He had to send her another email to thank her, apologize for the smiley face and explain that it was destined to me.

Her reply? A smiley face!

I guess it could have been worse.

Oh and by the way, our Dossier is in Memphis, Tennessee, right now. 

That's Us (in a couple of years)!

I love this picture!

I stole it from this blog from a teenage adoptee. Have a read, she brings a different view on this whole adventure!

A New Timeline

You’d think I’d know better than to estimate timelines, by now... But I can’t help it, I need to set a date at which I can start being hopeful!

So let’s do the exercise again...

Our agent said the quickest referral they ever got was 8 months. The longest was 2 years. 1-1/2 year was her estimated average. I can only guess the program will slow down after this unfortunate pause, though...

Let’s give ourselves until July for our Dossier to be approved, authenticated by the consulate, sent back to our provincial government and received in Sri Lanka.

This means a referral in February 2013 is a possibility. Most likely we will get it between December 2013 and July 2014.

I know I'll start hoping in 2013, but it's much more likely that 2014 will be our year...

Why Blog?

When Pablo and I first made the decision to dive into the adoption process, we were hopeful and excited, but also somewhat scared and overwhelmed by the process ahead of us.
I'm sure other waiting families can relate: we had no idea even where to start!

So we researched on the web and found some good information on government web sites and on forums. I read some blogs to get a feel of what to expect. We were soon sailing along, one wave at a time, figuring it out as we went. But a million times, we had questions. How do we do this? What happens if? Is this required? Can I trust these people? And I have to admit, at times, it was frustrating.

On top of that, there really was not much specific information on Sri Lankan adoptions on the web.
And that's how I decided to blog.
I wanted to lay out the process for everyone to see: the requirements, the steps to follow, the what-ifs, the how-to's, the costs. I was hoping that people would have their questions answered by stumbling upon this blog. And it still is the main reason I'm blogging, although there really hasn't been any new information since the program closed out...
But I also stumbled unto something I didn't expect: there is a community, out there!
Pretty soon, I was in touch with a bunch of prospective, waiting or current adoptive parents. Some in Canada, others abroad, adopting domestically or internationally, even a few adopting from Sri Lanka.
There was S., who is raising a little girl from Sri Lanka and answered my questions over the phone. There's Tina, my Friend for Adoption, who makes my day when she sends out an email just to say hi. There is M., who is also waiting to adopt from Sri Lanka and has given me the first heads up that something was wrong with the program, back in December. There is Chamari, who doesn't even know about me, but is spreading Sri Lanka culinary culture in our family. There is Elizabeth, whose emails have sometimes helped put things in perspective, as she is hoping to adopt as a single mom. There is also Gina, who works with the same agency as us to adopt her Congolese child and met me for a very fun coffee yesterday morning. There are all the encouraging comments people have left on my posts. And there are so many more families whom I feel like I know after following their blogs for so long.

Thinking about starting a blog? Go ahead! You'll find a lot more than you had hoped for!

The Bitter Gourd Strikes Back!

I thought I'd tell you about this awkward moment created by our motivation to integrate Sri Lankan culture in our daily life...

The other night, we had friends over for supper. Nothing fancy, it was a week night, I was dead tired from my day and they just happened to be at our place around supper time. So we just asked if they would share our meal.

Pablo cooked a My Sri Lanka inspired version of a sauté, using everything he could find in the fridge. Which included lots of bitter gourd slices...
Now I told you before, this ugly veggie is called bitter for a reason... It's good in small quantities, and maybe a bit of an acquired taste.

Pablo and I thought the meal was pretty good.
It took forever for our poor friends to finish their plates :-D
I don't know if they'll be coming over for supper again anytime soon! Maybe next time we'll have spaghetti...

Friends for Adoption

It all started with two ladies waiting for a child from Taiwan... They became friends and a source of support for each other. And then they had the idea of Friends for Adoption: a matching program for waiting adoptive parents!

It's such a great idea!
All you have to do is visit Brooke's blog to register. She will match you with your Friend for Adoption. Each Friend has to send a little something every month. It can be a gift, or even just a card for support. It has to be less than $15.

I just got matched with Tina, an american Mom waiting for her baby from Poland. She seems really nice, I'm sure we'll get along great! Please visit her blog: http://ourpolishadoption.blogspot.com/.

I will keep you guys posted on how the program is going!

The Best Pho in Town

Everytime we go to Calgary (or almost), Pablo and I go to the same Vietnamese restaurant.They make a great Pho Ga that warms you up from the inside...
The lady who owns the place is this lovely vietnamese woman with a very limited knowledge of the English language. She always walks the rows to chat with the customers in her broken English, making sure the food is to their taste. Because we go there so often, she knows us. She often comments to Pablo on how pretty his girl is (how could I not love her?!), or just throws a few words on how long it's been since we last went for her soup. What she cannot say with words, she makes up for with her smile.

We went yesterday. They had decorated the restaurant for Christmas and Christmas music was playing in the background. The Buddha that always stands on the counter was still in the same spot. Before we left, this lady just yelled across the restaurant: "Merry Christmas! Baby boy this year!".
I laughed and said we were working on this. We never told her we were adopting...

I sure hope she has a gift of foresight!!!